Alone and Lonely

"I do not think that they will sing to me"

We are born alone. From the moment we leave the womb of our mother, we cry. We cry about how we must learn to be independent for the rest of our lives, unable to depend on someone else. In other words, we cry not because we are alone, but because we are lonely.

We are so used to the idea of society, that there is almost no chance that one morning, in the busiest of mornings, we would find ourselves isolated, with no one on the streets. Those are the subjects of movies, and do not think of them seriously. We rely on the fact that tomorrow, when we open the door, our friends would do the same, and we would meet each other, and be reassured that the mutual dependence of humanity has not waned.

This is indeed a strange thought. Everything we do eventually attributes to our own well being. We eat to sate our own hunger, work for our own money, study for our own results and knowledge. Intrinsically and physically, we are independent of each other. Except for the gravely ill, all of our survival requirements could very well be fulfilled on our own. In other words, the feeling of being isolated, or "loneliness", is indeed purely psychological. Then, does being alone, a state of being, not necessarily imply loneliness, an emotion pertaining to such state?

To have to depend on others is a form of weakness. Only when one achieves true autonomy can one think freely, without the need to appeal to anyone and fulfill any requirements or expectations from society. In this sense, loneliness is the source of such weakness, as one craves for companionship and someone to share their burden, even when such burden, ironically, stems from relationship with others and the society. Since loneliness is a psychological phenomenon, common sense would suggest that it is easier to rid such problem than actual physical problems. Yet, is this really the case?

In ecology, living things often depend on each other symbiotically. It is one of the natural driving forces for growth and evolution of species. One could then argue that loneliness is the manifestation of such a force within the human species. However, I believe that the human species has evolved to a level that exceeds the description purely based on ecological biology. We interact in much more sophisticated ways, necessitating subjects such as sociology to exist. Loneliness should, then, not be a hard-wired emotion in our bodies.

Society has sought to eradicate this negative emotion, yet in an escapist fashion: To provide more means to connect with one another. The idea is that once we are able to be within the vicinity, or feel so, we will no longer be lonely. Whether with real people, or with artificial intelligence, or fictional characters, we are immersed in a world of connections so that we stop feeling lonely. This is an industry that pays significantly, as seen from the explosion of social networks and entertainment industries.

Yet I describe such solutions as "escapist", mainly because they shun the real problem. The only solution that could solve this crisis would be us facing loneliness directly, and come to terms with it. This is not a trivial matter: Though loneliness is not hard-wired, it is a deeply ingrained reflex that would activate whenever one is alone, or thinks so. It manifests even harder when one encounter love, an attraction and yearning for the opposite sex (or same sex, in some cases). To immerse oneself in contrived connections is rather like taking psychedelic drugs, to dull the pain temporarily, only to wake up at night, sober, feeling lonely again.

One of the criteria for becoming an "Ubermensch" is elevation above external influences. In fact, it could possibly be said to be the only requirement. Yet, with loneliness plaguing humanity, few have the will to escalate to such status. As a result, we drone on our lives based on a predetermined meta-narrative, and perhaps die without ever having the experience of being truly independent. It is sometimes rather tragic to think about this.

At the end, we all die alone. People come, and people go. In our ephemeral lives we make a mark on some, but most people are doomed to fade into oblivion in a very short period after their deaths. Yet, is it not great if we can come to terms with our natural instincts, and fight back the urge of loneliness, just to be able to think, even for a split second, in a truly free manner? In my opinion, that is a person who has lived a worthy life, as his life is no one but his.

"Durum semolina, golden wheat wafting in Italian fields.

Can you imagine how astonished the Italians would be if they knew that what they were exporting in 1971 was really loneliness?"

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ED Discussion 4: Byousoku 5 Centimeter ED, One more time, One more chance

"I am always looking for you wherever I go... though I don't expect you to be there."

If ramblings from German philosophers over a century ago sounds lofty, here is a much closer depiction of real people plagued by fate to be alone.

5 centimeters per second is not your run of the mill romance story. In an ideal world, when matched couples meet each other, they would fall in love, and live happily ever after. Even when faced with separation, their love would not diminish regardless of the distance between them, or circumstances that might change their accessibility to each other. This is not very far from what we believe, after all. Most believe in an everlasting relationship, and declare to one another that they will love forever.

I believe that this is an exception to the rule. To be fond of something for a prolonged period of time is a feat in itself, let alone being attached to a human, full of flaws and uncertain fluctuations. This is not meant to be derogatory to humans, though. This phenomenon is simply due to fate that toys around with humans always. A relationship that drifts apart is mostly not the fault of either side, but rather the intrinsically fragile state of love itself.

This ED constitutes a good four minutes out of the twenty of the last part of the entire movie. Remarkably, few words are uttered by the characters in the last part, exemplifying the intangible yet inevitable drifting away of passion and love.  A sense of longing could perhaps be detected, as we see them awaiting for each others' messages on the phone, looking for each other in the vast city of Tokyo, or checking the mailbox, hoping there would be some letter, holding onto the last vestige of belief. What are they longing for? Apparently, not for each other, but for a chance to experience love again.

Such longing might manifest as sorrow, but there is no apparent cause of it. The visuals flashes from character to character, showing them individually. There is no sudden point of tragedy or revelation, as the movie ends with this rather anticlimactic ending. Yet, this ending is more than apt to demonstrate the main message. There is not a single quantifiable cause that they are now completely separated, yet only a few tens of miles away from each other physically. Sorrow of loneliness simply piles up along with stresses from daily routines, creating the wear that manifests in the appearance of Tohno towards the end.

Yet, Makoto did not leave us hanging. He ostensibly did, but upon closer inspection of the last ten seconds or so of the ED, Tohno leaves with a smile, even though the lady who just passed him was one whom he had yearned for so much. A split second is what it takes to rekindle their friendship at the very least, yet such an opportunity was brutally cut off by the passing train. Why would Tohno be smiling then? Precisely because he has come to terms with loneliness. Makoto shows us powerfully that there is no intrinsic link between sadness and the state of being alone. Once one has figured this out, there would be no need to keep dwelling in the past, to keep thinking about the passing of the cosmonaut, who can no longer be reached, but simply revel in the short yet potent burst of emotions that marked the past, the split seconds of bright light that the rocket shone in the dim evening sky.

The music here is also impeccable: the 1997 title by Yamazaki Masayoshi. The lyrics depict clearly what each of the characters, and indeed most of us think. To be able to live life once more is a dream of most. We seek our past companions so intently that we look in nooks and crannies of the massive city, hoping to simply see a trace of the other's presence. Yet, isn't it great to be able to exceed this stage of emotions and embrace what lies of us? Makoto's film deserves so much more discussion, yet I shall not go at length here, for I have run out of words. It sets me into so much thought, and this ED perfectly encapsulates the message conveyed, while maintaining the artistic elegance and power of the film itself, providing an unforgettable conclusion to this excellent work.

Credit to /r/AnimeThemes

私

"If, ten thousand years from now, a society came into being that was exclusively populated by poor aunts, would they open the gates of their town to me?"

In this world, what place would a constant have, he wondered.

He is naturally good at painting. Whatever lays in front of him, be it a picturesque scenery, an attractive lady, an intricate mechanism, or the most mundane object, he could reproduce it with utmost precision, just like a camera. If cameras were to disappear from the planet, he would be the most valued possession one could have, I daresay. 

A great deal of people have told him, while he was in his teenage years, that he should become a painter, or rather, an artist. They told him that he could create a whole new sensation in the scene of visual arts. It would be a waste of such a talent! they exclaimed. They even lamented how art schools would not accept prodigies such as him for early entry. He could not deny that these words were extremely flattering, and he, rather subconsciously, built his entire meaning of life around showcasing this ability to capture what is in front of him. It was a good reason to live, he said.

His parents asked him what he wanted to do often, and he would give it a second of thought before answering the obvious: Painter. He should not have to think about such obvious questions before answering, but it seem to him that something sounds dissonant when he put together himself with the notion of a painter, as if divine intervention would step in and paralyze his thoughts for a second before restoring his common sense.

When the time came for him to be at college, his parents asked him one last time whether he was sure he wanted to devote his life to art. The only sensible thing to say here would be yes, since the applications had already been sent out; his admittance into one of the best schools of art in the world was already confirmed. It would be both stupid and unfeasible for him to turn back now, not to mention irrational. He thought to himself: All the cards are now in his hands. He just needed to play them, and he would win the game. The game of life that is.

Whatever that means.

In college, he received the same praise from his peers and seniors initially. The degree to which the paintings resembled what was drawn was uncanny, almost alien to mankind, though his professors told him that they had seen better. Gradually, though, people got used to his photographic handcrafting skills. I mean, they still appreciated his mechanical precision, and would often ask him for advice on how to portray certain things to achieve greater realism, but that was all he could do, and that substituted his initial idea of a life that laid before him. To others, he was just a camera, except that you don't have to pay to use it, and it never runs out of battery.

He started to seek attention. He sought to create new scenery with his hands, perhaps an abstract painting that would shock the world with the avant garde style? or delving into new realms of art? There are a lot of things he wanted to achieve. He thought that he had some degree of curiosity, and indeed he did have some I suppose. Yet, that often is overwhelmed by his unwillingness to step out. Sometimes it really his mental stamina that is stopping him, something he considered out of his reach to improve upon. He is forever the camera, a camera.

So, what eventually happens to him? No one knows, not even me. This is a story with no end, no climax, nothing noteworthy, no message or themes behind. It just exists, just like him, the camera. No one knows why a replica (a faulty and slow one, to be honest) of a digital device would exist, or even should exist, or continue to exist. He might continue to live his life with some sprinkles of praise, and dabble on some meaningless odd jobs, or he might fall out of relevance, and decide he no longer has a place in this world. One thing is certain though: If this world had no intelligence and creativity, he might finally be relevant, and he would finally be recognized as a person.

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ED discussion 3: Nagato Yuki-chan no Shoushitsu ED, Arigatou, Daisuki


"Thank you, I love you... Let me stay this way just a little longer"

To say that this show is a very good one would be lying, for it is not. The characters are not interesting and at times feel really dull. The themes are not apparent and the tone shifts too dramatically for me to clearly discern what this anime is really trying to convey. To approach this show with an expectation that it rivals or continues Suzumiya Haruhi no Yuuutsu is simply wrong. However, I do feel that this particular ED is quite attractive.

There are actually two versions of this ED: one where the scene does not flip, and one where it does. The switch occurs when Nagato's alter ego came into play after the car crash, starting the disappearance arc. In addition, characters other than the alter ego Nagato (including real Nagato) become silhouettes while she observes them, reflecting alter ego Nagato being the observer of the real Nagato's memory, how she is actually the stranger here.

In the real world, real Nagato would likely have better friendships than her counterpart, being stoic, silent, often only replying in terse and unsympathetic phrases. One may think that this Nagato is, in fact, stealing the spotlight of the real Nagato's show, and her pursuit of love, that this Nagato is a defected version of the real Nagato everyone loved. However, the ED speaks otherwise. strikingly maintaining the same emotions and appearance for the alter ego Nagato. Most strikingly, upon observing the pleasant memories of Kyon and Nagato in the library, she smiles, exactly in the same fashion as the real Nagato upon receiving the library card from Kyon. She might seem like a robot, much like the Nagato in Haruhi, but deep within, just like the Haruhi Nagato, lie emotions that are expressed in much more complexity than that of the real Nagato.

For the song itself, I was simply fixated on the quote above. Connecting that sentence with the fading presence of the alter ego Nagato (or, more extensively, with the movie Nagato) exemplifies the theme of "tender oblivion" (cf. Suzumiya Haruhi no Shoushitsu) in a sublime way. Time is running out for this Nagato, yet the song is not rushed, nor sorrowful. It gives a fateful feeling, yet gives rise not hatred or complaint, but gentle acceptance, to embrace the short moments of love that would resound forever in her memory.

Needless to say, the disappearance arc was a decent part of the show. Yet, it still suffers from being placed in a bad context, ruining the flow of the show. In any case, listening to Chihara Minori for a minute after each episode warmed my heart a bit from the hectic and relentless demand of reality.

Credit to /r/AnimeThemes