A dream I see every day. The endless dream..."
The closest humans could reach to the world of fantasy, the nearest a mere mortal can experience the world beyond the limits of physics, a theater of supreme surrealism... How could one not remember the extremely romantic, yet ever so evanescent notion of a dream?
A dream could take on two common meanings: Either the plunge into a world of imagination of extreme realness when a person is sleeping, or the state for which a person very much desires to be in, some kind of achievement or change to the world supposedly (perhaps the word aspirations would be a good synonym). Despite the fundamental difference between these two types of dreams, one being rather uncontrollable and one quite the opposite, there are overlaps between these kinds of "dreams". In any case, a dream is irrational, for it violates the bounds of physical laws, which are quite well modeled by theories and laws derived from reason. A person literally substitutes his own mind for the real world (subconsciously) in a dream. It follows that once a person gives up the notion of reason, or regard for physical existence, he could end up in a state not much different from being in a dream.
I have remarked on the fact that I seemed to have drifted into a state of mind not far from "being in a dream" recently, most likely because of my preoccupation with emotions. While a person tasked with tasks requiring rational thinking (evidently, such as students) are "daydreaming" would quite surely be considered to be in a non-optimal state, to say the least, I found that this concerned me no more. This is strange, for I have always been quite aware of what people think of my work (sadly a major proponent for me to work). To exist in a dreamy state liberated me from the tethers of expectations and fear. Though this dream stems from something quite frustrating and melancholic, the feeling of longing, it nonetheless carries an abstract beauty within its mist, free from the sharp edges of reality.
I have remarked on the fact that I seemed to have drifted into a state of mind not far from "being in a dream" recently, most likely because of my preoccupation with emotions. While a person tasked with tasks requiring rational thinking (evidently, such as students) are "daydreaming" would quite surely be considered to be in a non-optimal state, to say the least, I found that this concerned me no more. This is strange, for I have always been quite aware of what people think of my work (sadly a major proponent for me to work). To exist in a dreamy state liberated me from the tethers of expectations and fear. Though this dream stems from something quite frustrating and melancholic, the feeling of longing, it nonetheless carries an abstract beauty within its mist, free from the sharp edges of reality.
To be able to dream means to be able to create an entirely fictional context (though based on fragments of reality). I suppose we can also call this creating a whole universe, for it is not much of a difference between an egocentric view of the world, which is not entirely unsubstantiated if you consider the fact that every one is the dead centre of his/her own observable universe. If sleeping suspends the consciousness of a person, dreaming moves this consciousness to a new plane. This whole process, even more remarkably, occurs under the covers of subconsciousness, and is not a form of expression: what one dreams only concerns oneself. Sleeping may seem to be a blunder in evolution, a necessity because of the inability for a body to function continuously, but the act of dreaming seems to grant a meaning to the act of sleeping, of slipping the conscious self into a plane where no external influence is present. It is probably the closest a person comes to playing god.
I feared the notion of dreaming when I was a child, mostly because of the frequent nightmares I had. For the week or so following the occurrence of a nightmare, I would try to stay awake as late as possible, to prevent myself from plunging into the abyss I was in during the dream, or being killed by the monsters present the day before. Nightmares did not decrease as I grow up, though now, obviously I have learnt to shake them off since I know they are not real. Yet, just as there are no villains without heroes, there is a certain beauty in nightmares, being the manifestations of negative emotions in real life. It is in these bad dreams that I truly see what I fear, and why I fear it. The IB exams seemed not quite scary when you ask me when I am fully awake, since I know I have already taken numerous exams before, and have prepared amply and satisfactorily to my standards, up to what I can possibly do. Yet, my nightmares are mostly based on going to the exams late, missing an important event etc. In other words, there is no denial in the world of dreams. All the subconscious desires and fears are fully reflected in this film staged in the plane of dreams. This brutal and uncontrollable honesty is perhaps why dreams possess beauty.
Dreaming is also a hallmark of humanity. Not only are robots almost invariably incapable of emotions, one that forms random arrangements of its memory every once in a while is not too helpful of an attribute. Though a lot of effort has been spent on on intelligence that can emulate and interact with humans past the uncanny valley, imitating the functions of a human brain, I do not suppose dreaming is a goal that would be pursued or prioritized any time soon.
Yet, dreaming has been a large part of my life, and should be for a lot of people, or at least should have taken quite a bit of their time. Even though it might not contribute to anything concrete in reality, it could be regarded as a rest for the emotional faculties of the mind, an emotional counterpart for the physical rest that sleeping grants perhaps. Most importantly, dreaming allows one to face his emotions and fears upfront, and, even after the details or traces of the dreams disappear, the motivation it grants does not fade.
I have been in the state where my emotions take over my reason for so long that I have started to find this rather romantic.
Yet, dreaming has been a large part of my life, and should be for a lot of people, or at least should have taken quite a bit of their time. Even though it might not contribute to anything concrete in reality, it could be regarded as a rest for the emotional faculties of the mind, an emotional counterpart for the physical rest that sleeping grants perhaps. Most importantly, dreaming allows one to face his emotions and fears upfront, and, even after the details or traces of the dreams disappear, the motivation it grants does not fade.
I have been in the state where my emotions take over my reason for so long that I have started to find this rather romantic.
"Yesterday, I had a dream,
A dream of long ago.
Within the dream, the two of uswere still thirteen...
standing on the vast field blanketed in snow
as far as eyes could see.
In the distance, the lights shimmering in houseswere set sparsely, far and wide.
All that was left upon the newly fallen snow
were our footprints.
Just like that,
we wished without hesitation, that one day...
The two of us would be able
to see the cherry blossoms together again"
ED Discussion 10: Welcome to the NHK ED, Modokashii Sekai no Ue de
"Though this world is tiny, why is it too big for my hands?
Though this world is endless, why is it too small for my hands?
Hey, in this irritating morning light, I want to laugh with you together."
For most of my time, I suppose my world, just akin to Satou Tatsuhiro's in Welcome to the NHK, is confined by the four walls of my room. In the current age, everything can be done and expressed through the Internet (including my thoughts here), and as a result a person as lazy as I am can treat this 10 metres squared space as my world.
Being quite the shut-in, I have been engaged in a positive feedback loop that always increases my fear of the external and the unknown. Introversion has accentuated my thoughts of self-loathing and has thus increased my insecurity about talking with others, closing myself off, which leads to even less contact with the outer world, leading to even more inability to and fear of conversing with others.
Of course, it is easy to blame the external world for this, like Satou blaming "the conspiracy by the NHK", and Yamazaki blaming the opposite gender. After all, it is natural to fear and antagonize the unknown, the unfamiliar and that which is different or alien. Watching the pair (especially Satou) living a life of delusions is rather comedic, but, just like the protagonist, the "realization" when the mirage of self-worth pops is immediately followed by serious self-deprecation. In the confines of loneliness, it is difficult for the mind not to wander. Thus, like a schizophrenic, the emotions of a person that barely moves at all can range from extreme to extreme in the course of barely a day.
Yet, this ED is very calm. So calm in fact that it is quite unfitting to the madness displayed in the journeys into Satou's mind in the show. The reason I chose this song as today's discussion is the strange feeling of familiarity that it gave me recently, one that creeps at me and gave me a surprise at how much it manages to convey. [1] Why, indeed, that when we can travel to places almost instantly compared to people from centuries ago, when the world is shrunk to within two days' travelling, that I feel only comfortable in these four suffocating walls? Why, when there is so much to explore, so many people to talk to in this world, do I feel that it is often inaccessible and quite uninteresting and boring? These two lines almost perfectly sums up my thoughts when the "realization" hits.
These paragraphs do seem quite depressing, but I do want to use this opportunity to trace out what I think my inadequacy is. There quite some instances where I feel that I am an insufficient person, not deserving of the nice friends and wonderful environment that I reside and learn in. And indeed many a times I have been told that I should travel and explore what is unknown, and I would ponder upon my apparent anomaly. Yet, this insufficiency in my character has been such a great obstacle to overcome that, being a lazy person, I have not the will to attempt to do so. There is nothing too special in this ED, and the tone is strangely calm and light for such sombre psychological topics this anime discusses, but it manages to create this unsettling feeling that has stuck with me in the past few days.
[1]: This song technically comes from the voice of Misaki Nakahara, the girl who tries to get Satou out of his "hikkikomori ways" but it was revealed that she has problems of loneliness akin to Satou, so I guess her thoughts are still quite apt.
"Though this world is tiny, why is it too big for my hands?
Though this world is endless, why is it too small for my hands?
Hey, in this irritating morning light, I want to laugh with you together."
For most of my time, I suppose my world, just akin to Satou Tatsuhiro's in Welcome to the NHK, is confined by the four walls of my room. In the current age, everything can be done and expressed through the Internet (including my thoughts here), and as a result a person as lazy as I am can treat this 10 metres squared space as my world.
Being quite the shut-in, I have been engaged in a positive feedback loop that always increases my fear of the external and the unknown. Introversion has accentuated my thoughts of self-loathing and has thus increased my insecurity about talking with others, closing myself off, which leads to even less contact with the outer world, leading to even more inability to and fear of conversing with others.
Of course, it is easy to blame the external world for this, like Satou blaming "the conspiracy by the NHK", and Yamazaki blaming the opposite gender. After all, it is natural to fear and antagonize the unknown, the unfamiliar and that which is different or alien. Watching the pair (especially Satou) living a life of delusions is rather comedic, but, just like the protagonist, the "realization" when the mirage of self-worth pops is immediately followed by serious self-deprecation. In the confines of loneliness, it is difficult for the mind not to wander. Thus, like a schizophrenic, the emotions of a person that barely moves at all can range from extreme to extreme in the course of barely a day.
Yet, this ED is very calm. So calm in fact that it is quite unfitting to the madness displayed in the journeys into Satou's mind in the show. The reason I chose this song as today's discussion is the strange feeling of familiarity that it gave me recently, one that creeps at me and gave me a surprise at how much it manages to convey. [1] Why, indeed, that when we can travel to places almost instantly compared to people from centuries ago, when the world is shrunk to within two days' travelling, that I feel only comfortable in these four suffocating walls? Why, when there is so much to explore, so many people to talk to in this world, do I feel that it is often inaccessible and quite uninteresting and boring? These two lines almost perfectly sums up my thoughts when the "realization" hits.
These paragraphs do seem quite depressing, but I do want to use this opportunity to trace out what I think my inadequacy is. There quite some instances where I feel that I am an insufficient person, not deserving of the nice friends and wonderful environment that I reside and learn in. And indeed many a times I have been told that I should travel and explore what is unknown, and I would ponder upon my apparent anomaly. Yet, this insufficiency in my character has been such a great obstacle to overcome that, being a lazy person, I have not the will to attempt to do so. There is nothing too special in this ED, and the tone is strangely calm and light for such sombre psychological topics this anime discusses, but it manages to create this unsettling feeling that has stuck with me in the past few days.
[1]: This song technically comes from the voice of Misaki Nakahara, the girl who tries to get Satou out of his "hikkikomori ways" but it was revealed that she has problems of loneliness akin to Satou, so I guess her thoughts are still quite apt.
Bonus Music: So Ra No Wo To OP, Hikari no Senritsu
(I meant to discuss this OP at length in the main section for a few posts already because of its stunning visuals and music, but every time I start I find myself lost for words and unable to continue. So here it is.)
"Sound of the sky, echo high and transcend all sorrows.
Everything reflected in your eyes are part of reality.
Even tears have no chance of holding you here.
From the cascading radiance, call forth the morrow."
